but the force is blind
network of your own kind
and days become years
is the kids don't care
What the fuck?!
Come on!
Shut the fuck up! God damn it.
the kids don't care
- Synced and corrected by<font color="
Oh, shit.
Oh, my God.
Holy hell.
Hi, Mom.
Hi, honey. How's your day going?
Good, really. Actually, so, so good.
Um, I-I wrote another article, and-and people really like it.
Like, it's a little bit of a "thing" now. Like, literally,
19,000 people clicked on it.
Oh! Annie wrote a new article. People are into it.
19,000 people clicked her.
All right, Annie!
Well, they didn't click me, but...
Yeah. Er... Nin... Yeah. Yes.
Listen, we have some news too. Um, Dr. Walsh called,
and Dad's numbers are down, so...
cautiously optimistic, right now the treatment's working.
God, that's... That's so, so great!
God!
Oh, I'm so happy I could cry!
Um, that's awesome.
Well, you tell Dad, "Way to kick cancer's ass."
Annie says, "Way to kick cancer's ass."
Yeah, fuck you, cancer!
You fuckin' piece-of-shit motherfucker!
Yeah, fuck cancer!
Fuck cancer right up the fuckin' ass!
OK. OK, cool.
Well, um, I'll talk to you guys later, OK?
Um, that's... the best news.
- Um, OK, bye! - Bye, sweetie!
Oh, my God!
This is so much good news all at once!
I know! I am so happy.
Man, what are you doing dressed so early in the morning?
I have that music video thing, remember?
I'm doing hair for a magazine shoot.
For that band Maple and the Pearls.
Yes, Maple and the Pearls.
We know that band, we love that band,
and we remember that you're doing that.
This is huge, right?
Like, you not just doing hair in our living room?
Yeah. They said it's like an audition
for a full-time stylist job.
Hello, you just asked me a question?
Yeah. Yeah.
- Do you know I'm a magic genie? - Yeah.
Gabe just texted me, and it's all caps,
"You should come in early,"
which feels like he's yelling at me, right?
- Oh, shit! - Fuck!
I'm gonna be so late.
No, it's OK, dude. I'm gonna help you.
- Oh, shit. - What?
My shroom pills.
Bonkers! No!
Bonkers, no! He's eating them!
No! No!
How many do you think he ate?
Three?
- Are you sure? - No.
Oh, well, should we call the police?
Do you want to get me deported?!
- No, no. Should we call my dad? - We should call a vet.
Yeah. Yes. Call a vet. Call a vet.
He's out of his mind. His eyes look insane.
I guess his eyes always look insane. Bonkers, please!
Oh, buddy. OK. You gotta get the poison out, right?
You gotta do a little barf. Little... There you go.
- That's good. - OK, thank you.
Thanks.
- Now you do that. - OK, good news.
The vet said that he should be fine.
We just need to keep an eye on him all day
to make sure that he doesn't have a seizure.
Oh, my fuckin' God. A seizure?!
Yeah. Well, I can't stick around because I'm already running late.
Yeah, well, I already told Gabe that I'd go in early.
- Yeah, I know. You already told me. - Yeah.
OK, well, don't yell at me, it's not my fault. It's your shrooms.
- Oh, this is my fault? - No. Just... just go.
Just go. I'll deal with it.
Great.
Bye, Bonkers.
Fuck.
Oh, buddy.
All right.
Thank you for coming.
Um, I know we left things in a weird place.
- I just didn't know who else to call. - I wanna talk about that,
and we definitely should, but right now my priority is Bonkers.
Um, I guess he's just kind of resting,
- which I think is good? - Oh, shit.
He's in couch lock.
Hey, buddy.
It's an advanced state in the trip where
the couch becomes an island... the only safe place.
- Um, I have to go, so... - Yeah.
Just please text me updates, and I'll be back as soon as I can.
OK. Bye, baby.
I love you.
OK.
Get your yogurt outta the fridge or I'm gonna kill myself.
- Run. - What?
Just trust me, get the fuck out of here.
Oh, uh...
this is kinda fun, you at my desk for a change.
What do you think you're doing?
In regards to... ?
I'm really curious about what you actually think you're doing.
Because it seems like you think this is your paper.
Right? And that you're pretty much publishing
anything that you happen to be feeling that day.
OK, well, it's... it's not just my feelings, though, right?
I mean, clearly a lot of other people thought that my article
was something they could connect with.
A lot of other people think
that mermaids are real... we don't print that.
I don't really get what you're upset about.
Is it because I posted without permission,
or is it because I wrote about something that I actually care about?
I don't know. Both?
Maybe it's 'cause you quoted me as your own personal villain?
Maybe it's because I suddenly turned out to be The Man
that you had to suddenly take down?
OK, but you're the one who's always saying
that we should hold the establishment accountable.
Do I look like the establishment? I'm wearing fucking nail polish!
The establishment is lazy, entitled slobs
suckin' on their Cheeto fingers while the world burns!
OK, but when you say lazy slobs,
that feels like coded language to talk about fat people,
- and it doesn't make me feel great. - You-you're right.
- It's not that hard to decode. - I'm talking about you,
because everyone's attacking you, right? Is that pretty much
- how the world is right now? - No, I'm just saying...
- There's you and then the world? - Hey, you two.
Just wanted to come remind you that, you know,
you both love each other very much,
- so let's be cool. - That's right, Amadi,
just defend your little work wife.
Annie, you've lost all posting privileges,
and you've lost all assignments
until I can be sure that you understand that I employ you.
Just gotta get the ratio right.
There's nothing worse than doing shrooms alone,
and I am not gonna do that to you, Bonkers.
Yeah, you're a good weight for a boy your size.
Small, but dense... like a gymnast.
Let's see, so...
Yeah. That's gonna have to be two...
stems...
Two caps.
Now we're in this together.
Oh, God, just...
please don't look at me like I just peed my pants
in front of the whole school.
You know, I peed my pants in the fifth grade once.
Could do it right now. It'll distract the office.
No, that's OK. Thanks for the offer, though.
You're welcome.
- Hey, I got some good news, though. - Yeah?
Yeah. Your story's still up.
That's... that's good, right?
Yeah, it's great. I mean, Gabe looks like a bad guy in it,
but if he takes it down, it makes him a bad journalist.
Great.
- That's a real win for me. - Yeah.
Hey, you know what? We should blow off some steam tonight.
There is this tiny horse dressage competition...
- Like, mini-horses? - Yeah.
I mean, that's all the stuff I like.
Small horses that are doing choreographed dances?
- That's... to me. - That's why I suggested it.
- Wow. - So you wanna go?
Um, obviously. That's the only thing I wanna do.
Oh, my God. My troll is back.
Oh.
"I bet your dad got cancer on purpose
just so that he could die
and finally get away from his fat pig daughter."
God, how does he even know that my dad is sick?
Honestly, fuck this dude. We should track him down.
Yeah, like, no one would say this shit to my face.
Like we have to track this motherfucker down
and slice him open.
- You ready to go to the Dark Web? - Yeah.
Fuck this fuckin' piece of shit. I'm gonna kill him.
Be cool, Angus.
You're not listening to this, right, bud?
- I didn't hear shit. - What?
- I didn't hear shit. - That's what I thought.
Now shut the fuck up and look at your computer.
- Mm-hmm. - I'm different.
I mean...
It's like I'm looking in the mirror.
Give me a signal you're OK, buddy.
Nice.
Just trying to get the shading.
God, you're beautiful.
O-M-G.
We're connecting so hard right now.
I think that looks like you, right?
I wish I could take my pills in cheese.
I guess I can.
Ahhh...
Remember, we're in a womb.
Or a butt, or wherever you guys come out of.
Ha ha ha.
Light... is a guide...
Keep it together.
Ahhh...
Yeah, man.
Whoo! Oww!
Hey, Maureen?
- Uh, we have a little IT issue. - Drop it on me, baby.
OK. Um, do you have any idea how we might find the real identity
of someone who's trolling me in the comments?
Yeah, I can... Yeah. I can do that, yeah.
Oh, wow, I wish I would've done that when I had a troll.
Oh, y-you had a troll too?
It's... It's a nightmare.
Yeah, yeah, 'cause I'm a woman that plays video games
so men on the internet want me to die.
Or some of them want me to get naked, but then they want me to die.
God. Well, how did you make it stop?
I changed my avatar to a picture of Bradley Cooper
in American Sniper.
- So sad. - Smart.
OK, so, uh, Andy's computer has a virus,
and then I have to do horoscopes and then I have to do obituaries,
which take a little time because, you know, families.
- And, uh, you know... - Yeah.
if nobody else dies, I should be able to get it done by tomorrow.
Oh, my... That's... That's a lot of shit, Maureen.
Yes. It is.
- So, mini-horses at 8:00? - Yeah, that's great.
You guys going to that thing at the Expo?
- Yeah. - Mm-hmm.
Wow.
OK, well, thanks, Maureen.
- OK. - See ya.
I have plans too.
Surprise, surprise.
Guess what I got to celebrate the good cancer news.
- It isn't. - It is.
My God! You are an angel from heaven
dressed as my very own daughter.
Yeah, I was driving past Atomic Sub
and the sign was there, said "The meatball sub is back, baby."
But they haven't had these forever!
I don't understand why they don't just have it all the time.
I guess the wait makes it special.
Oh...
- Oh, yeah. Ooh. - I love you.
- Oh, I love you! - It stinks so good.
It's kinda weird not to be eating these in the car.
You know? Like, it feels very glamorous to be at a table.
Mmm. That is heaven.
So...
I read your article.
Mm.
I had... I had no idea you felt that way about yourself.
Kinda broke my heart.
I'm sorry, Dad. I...
No, no, no, no, no. Fuck "sorry."
I'm glad you wrote that.
You're a force, man.
I've always known it... now everybody else does too.
Well, I wasn't planning on writing it, I just...
I got so fuckin' mad, I just did.
Yeah. Well, people do amazing stuff when they're pissed off.
That's how beautiful shit happens.
Hey...
I know how we should celebrate.
Well, I... I thought that this was the celebration.
No, no, no. Boodle-ee-doop.
Oh, my God. No.
Boodle-e-doo. Jam session. Jam sesh, come on!
No. I don't know how to play anymore.
Honestly. I'm serious. No.
All right.
I respect that.
That was crazy.
Oh, fuck. She called you?
What was she thinking?
Hello, my love.
Did you make it to the other side?
- Yeah, he's doin' really great. - Thanks.
Well, I can take it from here.
You can go back to being a full-time dirtbag now.
I was actually wondering if I could stick around
- until Annie got home? - No.
There's a "No Ryan" rule in this house.
That sucks... because I'm Ryan.
You have no right to be anywhere near Annie.
Do you even realize how amazing she is?
Yeah. She's the best.
Annie's my family. And even though she's going through
a little bit of a selfish phase right now,
I would do anything for her.
Look, I get it.
My brother is a fuckin' idiot,
but I'd kill for him.
Every time you treat her like dirt, which is often,
and she comes crawling back, that fucks with me.
Because she's not that girl. She's the girl in her article.
What article?
Dude, you suck so bad.
Can I please stay until she gets back?
- Fine. - Thanks.
That's it, baby, rock on.
Oh, yeah, you're terrible.
Yeah. That's bad.
Oh, you're having a jam sesh.
- Oh. Honey. - Hey, Mom.
- Oh. Are you staying for dinner? - No, no. We already ate.
Oh, tell me you did not bring this crap into our house.
- Did you? - Honey, come on.
Yeah, relax. It's a meatball sub.
It's one sandwich, one day,
and Dad got good test results today.
Yeah, today, but that doesn't mean he's home free.
We still have to worry about our health...
OK, you don't have to control
every single thing that we eat.
OK. Yeah, well, you know, I read your article,
and I know I'm the horrible mother who forced you your whole life
to eat healthy and exercise.
And now all my friends are readin' about it.
- So that's great. - Well, I feel some of those things,
- so I wrote them. - Then why didn't you come to me
and talk to me about it first?
Instead you just publish it so the whole world can see it!
Yeah, because that's what you actually care about.
You can say it's about my health,
but all you actually care about is what other people think.
That is not true, Annie.
Yes, it is. And you micromanage everything, and it's not just me.
Now that Dad's sick, you get to do it to him,
- and you love it. - Annie.
What? I... um, somebody has to tell her.
You're suffocating both of us.
Hey, Annie, that's enough!
Dad, I'm just defending both of us.
You know how hard your mom works?!
She busts her ass all the time for everyone.
- And you are acting like a little brat... - I just...
... thinkin' about yourself.
Your mom thinks about everybody. Can't you see that?
Dad, I'm sorry, but you have to admit,
she's on my back constantly, and I never...
Fuck!
Just knock it off.
Hey. Hey, buddy.
- You feelin' better? You seem better. - Hey.
Hey. What's this?
It's for my hard-workin' lady. It's a grilled cheese.
What's wrong?
Oh, hey. You're OK.
What do you think he's dreamin' about?
Probably, like, a poodle in a bikini...
... eating a big, juicy steak.
- Yeah, that sounds right. - Mm-hmm.
Hey. You're OK, right?
Yeah. It's just...
today was... horrible.
But...
thanks for taking care of Bonkers.
It was truly the one thing that I didn't have to worry about.
Hey, it's part of the job. Right?
I don't know. Is it?
Annie...
I'm bad at this.
I don't know what I'm doing.
And whenever I try, it just ends up bad.
So I don't try.
But I feel better... when I'm with you.
I want you to be my girlfriend.
I mean, I...
I want that.
I want to be your girlfriend, but I...
I don't want to just be, like, an obligation to you.
No, no! I... I want this.
I just need your help.
I'll help you, but you have to help me, too.
You know? So that we can, like, work together
and make it good.
Yes. I'll make it good.
OK.
But... I need you to fuck me now. OK?
I'm not just gonna fuck you.
I'm gonna make fuck to you.
- Shall we go upstairs? - Mm, no.
- Right here? - Yeah.
Cool.
Can I take this off?
I'm super smooth.
Come here.
You're so fucking hot.
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